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Proud Parents ~Curtis and Robin Flax
Update May 28, 2007
It's only been 10 days since my dear son was born into this earth and
shortly after, born into heaven. I feel like he never died. He just had 2
birthdays. It's hard to find the words when speaking of those wonderful
moments with Corbin. When my water broke on that fateful Thursday, I was
full of excitement for I knew I was going to finally meet my little angel.
However, I was full of fear as well knowing that we still had 6 weeks left
in the pregnancy. I held back the tears on the way to the hospital because
the pastor of my church and the youth pastor were driving me there. Even on
the way, I knew there wouldn't be much time with Corbin given not only his
T13 but also being so premature. I was in labor with him for 23 long hours.
I remember, after the epidural kicked in, feeling lots of pressure and
calling the nurse over. We were at 7 centimeters. Only about 1-2 minutes
later I called her over again because of the pressure. We were at 9
centimeters and doc was on his way. A few seconds later I tried to get her
attention and she didn't hear me so I screamed her name because of the
pressure again and turned out she actually had to hold Corbin in until the
doctor got there. Was sort of funny. The doctor said it was OK to push so I
did. Then I made a joke in the middle of pushes and Corbin was born on push
number 2. (Jaleigh only took 3 pushes, lol). I was happy that I could
finally see his face and very happy when I heard the doctor say, "No
stitches".
It seemed like it took forever, but I know it wasn't more than
20-30 seconds before we heard Corbin's first cry. It was more like a squeak
(come to find out, that's what I did when I was born. I didn't cry, I just
squeaked). As soon as I heard that, I broke down in tears because of the
immense joy and yet immense sorrow at the same time. At first I didn't think
I was going to hear anything at all. They handed him to me immediately like
Curtis and I had requested. So beautiful. So pure. So sweet. And so
amazingly soft. I have never felt anything as soft as an angel. Our pastor
was called over after a short minute and anointed Corbin.
We were giving him
to the Lord all the days of his life just like Hannah promised with her son
in the bible. He was passed around the room to the rest of the family once
they were allowed in and given lots of love throughout every second of his
little life. It broke my heart that about every 5-10 minutes or so, the
nurse would come over and check his breathing and his heart rate. We
listened to her give us a lower number each time.
 We watched him slip away
slowly. He was a fighter though because he hung on to life for 70 whole
minutes by himself. He was never given any oxygen of any kind. He simply
lived on love. I believe he was purposely living as long as he could just
for us. Just to love us, not for us to love him. We decided we wouldn't
bathe him until after he had passed away.
All of the children helped bathe
him, which I think fulfilled a special need for them, for they had
anticipated being big sisters and helping care for their little brother.
This way, they received a certain amount of closure too by still being able
to help at least once. I did request that part of the bath time I be alone
with him.
Tears calmly streamed down my face as I finally brought myself to
say good-bye to him as I nurtured his tiny little body. After I finished
bathing him, I dressed him in a onesie that swallowed him, but cute a
button, nonetheless. His little nose was the perfect shape of a heart
because of the bilateral cleft lip. The cutest little thing I've ever seen.
The rest of my time spent with him was taking more pictures. The
photographer, Carol Roker out of Salina, KS, that we contacted from NILMDTS
was there throughout most of the labor. She assisted in the labor process
actually because she had been there since Thursday night and stayed til 3 or
3:30 pm Friday. She took tons of photos and I can't wait to receive them. We
posed for many of them and that was a wonderful experience. Carol was in
tears much of the time and it pained her when she had to leave. What a
wonderful woman. Corbin stayed with us for another 3 hours. I simply held on
to his little body and felt his face against mine. I will never forget how
soft he was.
He had reddish blonde hair that was the softest thing I've ever
felt and ever will feel again. The funeral director was finally contacted to
come and get him and that was the first of many excruciatingly painful
moments. Curtis had to be the one to give Corbin to him. Was kind of awkward
anyway, because the funeral director is the neighbor from across the street.
All of our girls play together all the time. I'm glad Curtis was the one
holding him when he came in because there's no way I would have been able to
do that. I could have never let him go. I screamed as they went out the door
together. I cry just remembering that moment.
Only a few hours later, I was
walking around and feeling fine so I convinced the doctor on call to let me
go home that very night. I just didn't want to be there anymore and there
was nothing else they could do for me. The nurse however was a Godsend. She
was with me from the time labor was productive until well after Corbin had
left the hospital. I was asleep when she left, but she came back to see us
when she heard we were leaving so soon (3 hours after her shift) to say
good-bye and to cry with me one last time. She brought with her and little
card with a poem and also bought us a tiny gold baby ring that I can wear on
a necklace. She helped to make such a sad time a little bit better. I'll
never forget her. Her name was Sue.
Thank you for your love and prayers,
Robin
__________________________________________
This is the first is a letter that I wrote on the morning of Corbin's
funeral service that Pastor Troy read during the service for me and the
second is a poem that I wrote the next day as I sat in the sanctuary of the
church and prayed for 2 hours.
5-23-07
I had anticipated the day of my son's birth for what seemed like forever.
However, I didn't know it would be so soon. I, of course, had created a bond
with my son over the past few months through a conversation of kicks and
hiccups. That's how we would talk to each other. Hundreds of little "I love
yous" I had hoped and prayed for more time with my precious gift, but God
gave me 70 wonderful minutes that I will never forget. I don't believe I
have ever given or received such an enormous amount of love in such a short
period of time, nor will I ever again. Of all the people that were
surrounding Corbin and giving him so much love, I believe he gave out more
love than he received. I believe Corbin was God's angel before he ever said
"Good-bye" I have been given the privilege of holding a real live angel and
God gave me the honor of being that angel's mother. I do get to carry with
me the memories of this bittersweet time in my life. We saved Corbin's
footprints and handprints. One thing I can't bring home, one thing I can't
share with everyone is his softness. You just can't save soft. I can keep
that in my memories only, but at least I know how an angel feels to the
touch. That's something very few people ever experience. The only thing that
was missing were his wings, which he has now. He will fly along side me
until I see him again.
I love you little Corbin,
Mommy
Every
Every so often,
As the wind comes through,
I hear you whisper softly,
It's okay, Mommy, I love you.
Every now and then,
The sun's rays shine just right,
It's the very color of your hair,
That made me laugh at it's sight.
Every waking moment,
You fill my mind and heart.
Just like you filled my arms that day,
A feeling that will never part.
Every single night,
I pray to see your face.
I feel you sleeping upon my chest,
So I can finally rest in place.
Every so often,
As again the wind comes through,
I whisper back to you little ears,
I know, Corbin, I love you too.
- - -
Corbin Glen Flax was born Friday, May 18, 2007 to Curtis and Robin
(Martin) Flax in Hays Medical Center at Hays, KS. He passed away soon after
birth. He weighed 4 pounds and 2 ounces and was 17 inches long.
The family and all who were present, were overwhelmed with the joy and
excitement of hearing Corbin's first cry. In 70 minutes, Corbin became a
powerful instrument of God's love and healing power.
Corbin challenged us to look beyond ourselves and to draw nearer to God and
to one another. Although his time with was too short, the imprint of his
life and love will never be forgotten.
Survivors include his parents, Curtis and Robin Flax, two sisters, Jaleigh
Martin and Brenna Flax; paternal grandparents, Janice and LeRoy Flax, all of
WaKeeney; and maternal grandparents, Robert and Jo Ann Martin, of Bossier
City, LA; paternal great-grandfather, Ignatius Flax, of WaKeeney, and
maternal great-grandmother, Dorothy Keen, of Manassas, VA.
Robin and I would like to thank each and every one of you for the prayers,
support and everything you have all done for us. You have all been amazing.
- - -
Hello. My name is Curtis Flax and my wife’s name is Robin. I am father to
two beautiful daughters and soon our first son.
We have recently found out our child has a severe case of Trisomy 13. Our
child is not expected to make it to full term. An abortion was recommended
but we do not believe that is Gods way. So that was immediately out of the
question. We know what the end will be due to the severe abnormalities.
I would like to thank each and everyone of you here that has prayed for
myself my wife our children and for Corbin, your prayers are helping and
without you we wouldn’t have know which way to go to start with. Thank you
all and you are all in our prayers each night.
Curtis and Robin Flax softball_chik51@yahoo.com
Jaleigh Martin, 5
Brenna Flax, 6
Here are Corbin's ultrasound pics at 24 weeks gestation. I love the one of
his feet.
“Here is a picture someone sent to me just because they thought it
was beautiful. I agree it is beautiful, however the first thing I
thought of is perfection vs. imperfection. The picture is in fact a
real picture, not Photoshop. Clouds have to be cirrus, at least
20,000 ft. high, with just the right amount of ice crystals, and the
sun has to hit at precisely 58 degrees. When you close your eyes and
envision a perfect rainbow, most likely this is not what you would
see. You would see a perfect arch with all the colors completely
visible and as vibrant as ever. In logical thinking this rainbow is
far from perfect. The way I figure it, if God can make a rainbow as
imperfect as this one but it still be just as beautiful if not more
beautiful than a so called perfect one, then I can only imagine how
beautiful my baby boy is going to be. I can hardly wait to find out.
Perfection is often the result of imperfection."
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