Angel Gumataotao

November 14, 2009 - stillborn

Photos by: Jeanne Luna
from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

November 30th, 2009 should have been Angel's day according to our plan. We should have been surrounded by other family members during my labor and delivery according to our plan. If everything went according to our plan, we could have had a healthy baby girl with us at home. But, we are not always granted our ways in God's plan. We followed our Faith and left everything in God's hands.

Our little Angel is in heaven now. Angel passed away in utero and I delivered her on November 14th at 3:18 AM. She weighed 4 lbs, 6.5 oz, and was 17.5 in long. We spent 17 unforgettable hours with her. I admit I was apprehensive to see her with the uncertainties of exactly how she has developed, but Angel was more beautiful than I had ever imagined. She had Daddy's full head of hair with two swirlies, light skin, and shapely legs, while she had my long fingers and feet. We couldn't help but marvel that her ears were exactly like her big sister's ears; her right ear was Daddy's and her left ear was Mommy's. She only had an extra finger on her left hand. Angel's big brother and sisters expressed their unconditional love, each having multiple opportunities to hold her and shower her with kisses.

Jeanne Luna from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep captured many precious moments that we will treasure always, such as Angel's baptismal. Amy Beyer, the hospital Social Worker, was there to support us and also captured many precious memories of Angel, such as 3D moldings of her hands and feet.

It was so difficult to give her up, although I kept telling myself that her body was just a vessel and she was happy in heaven already. We held a beautiful funeral service on November 21st. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day.

Through tears of joy and sadness, the first week after our little Angel's passing went too fast. It now seems like a distant memory when she was inside me, growing, thriving, giving me loving nudges, squirms, and tickles. I'm desperately trying to hold on to every precious moment I had with her. I hope to capture all the moments here and in a journal I started, as well as provide hope, faith and love to others who find themselves in this journey. As difficult and heartbreaking as this journey has been, I would not have gone through it any other way. I cannot imagine the regrets I would have been burdened with if we had decided to terminate when we were told of Angel's condition. Angel is a blessing; she has brought so much love and precious memories to our family.

I miss her so much! I would give and do anything to be able to hold her again. It is especially difficult with the holidays. I just remind myself that although she is no longer with us, Angel is blessed to be in the company of many heavenly friends and family members, and she will live in our hearts forever.

I will try to find a way to include Angel's ultrasound video. In the meantime, here are some pictures taken from the video. As you can see, Angel was very much alive and a real person playing with her foot, pursing her lips, and smiling.

Thank you for all of your continuing support, thoughts and prayers. You will always be in our prayers.

With Much Love,

Jane Gumataotao
jfgumataotao@gmail.com
"Some people only dream of angels; we held one in our arms."

Hello. My name is Jane. My husband, Frank, and I have three children, Keoni (14 years old), Chloe (11 years old), and Tasi (4 years old). We are currently stationed at Fort Sam Houston, TX. I am currently 32 weeks pregnant and my due date is December 1, 2009.

At 20 weeks during the normally scheduled ultrasound, my husband and I received the unexpected and heartbreaking news that no parent ever wants to hear, which are signs of abnormalities and that they are possibly fatal. It was a complete blow and such devastating news, especially when we were just expecting to find out the baby's gender. Sure we wanted to know if the baby was healthy, but that was at the back of our minds since we had three healthy babies.

The following day, we saw a specialist and based on the abnormalities, he suspected our baby girl, who we have named Angel, has Trisomy 13. We did an amnio that day and the results confirmed the doctor's initial diagnosis, further proving that our Little Angel has full Trisomy 13 (proboscis, polydactyly, brain, kidney and heart defects). Since then, I have been seeing the high-risk OB doctors at Wilford Hall at Lackland Air Force Base every two weeks. They have been wonderful and very supportive in every decision we make.

It has been quite an emotional roller coaster ride for all of us. But, we are embracing and enjoying every minute we have with our Little Angel.

We have had multiple ultrasounds to capture precious moments. We also had a 15 minute video recording of one ultrasound session that shows her smiling, sucking her thumb, puckering her lips, stretching, and grabbing hold of one her foot! I am excited to meet her, but at the same time, I wish I can keep her inside me where I know she is safe and thriving.

I am currently scheduled for an induction on November 30th. I know that day will be bittersweet. I hope we have some time with her before she returns to heaven. All I know now is that we have been blessed to have her in our lives.

Jane Gumataotao
jfgumataotao@gmail.com